I Worry, Therefore I Am

I have always been a worrier. I was blessed (cursed?) with an overactive imagination; but only where disasters are concerned. To save my life, I can't come up with a creative or imaginative idea in any other area. Don't ask me for great party ideas or how to decorate a room. However, Nephi and family were caught in the middle of Hurricane Ike two weeks ago. Listening to newscasts led my mind to a place where I could see them huddled in the dark, wind and rain whipping around them as the house broke to pieces, with Madison crying; only to have the wind tear her from their arms where she could never be found again.

I know, I know. If you are not a worrier, you cannot relate, even a little. C. S. Lewis called worrying an affliction, something that you have to learn to work around. Usually faith is the best antidote. But to tell a worrier not to worry is like telling someone with a lisp, "Just don't lisp."

And the funny thing is that in my life, the things that have been hardest were the things I didn't think to worry about! In fact, so many of the things I have worried about have never come to pass, that one of my coping mechanisms has become, "Well, I've worried about it, so now it won't happen."

But I have found as I grow older that the things I spend my worry on have changed. I am old enough to know that if we have a recession/depression; we can get through it. If I lost my home to fire, I think I would survive. If sickness came to me, it would make me cranky and hard to live with; but I would survive even if the people I loved didn't!

My worries are now spent on people. I woke up this morning worrying about my Young Women. To be called to a position as leader, for me anyway, translates into caring and worry. They are so adorably cute. When we were at camp, we heard them talking in the tent at night, "Joey is so cute. She worries about us so much." I hadn't realized that it was so apparent; but really, they don't know the half of it. I worry about the trials and temptations they face. I worry about their little hurts and their big ones. I worry if they are being taught.

I worry about my kids. Will they be happy? Have I armed them for the storms of life? Will they know how to recover from mistakes? Will they know how to accept happiness?

I worry about my friends and sisters.

And now, with remarriage, I have even more people to worry about.

Don't get me wrong. I do have faith. I know that all of the people I love are in God's good hands. I know that the Holy Ghost can lead and guide and comfort them. But I would spare the people I love hurt, if I could. But that's not the plan...

No matter. For me, I love. Therefore, I worry; therefore I am.