Wife Swap

Okay, I admit it. There was a time when the only reality tv I watched was the high brow, PBS, house tv series (1900 House, Frontier House, Manor House, etc.). But TLC took me into a whole new level with "What Not To Wear," "Say Yes To The Dress," and "Date Patrol." And, of course, now "The Biggest Loser" is must-see tv.

But the guiltiest pleasure of all is "Wife Swap." I have always, always, always been fascinated with how varied each of our lives are. How different would I be if I had been born in 1750 or lived in England or grew up with all brothers instead of sisters? How much are we a product of our circumstances?

I do know that you are different depending upon who you married. So if you switched everything else, wouldn't you be different, too?

Well, Lifetime TV now is rerunning episodes of "Wife Swap." In fact, it is running two episodes a day. And with the magic of DVR, I am now wasting all of my free time filling my mind with goo. But I can't help it! The premise is that they take two women, with very different life styles, and have them switch lives for two weeks. The first week is spent living the life of the woman whose place they filled. The second week is spent introducing some of their own beliefs and rules into the home they are visiting. I tell you, it's most entertaining! I am enthralled with the idea of taking a home-schooling, bread-making, granola mom and switching her with a former beauty queen who stays in bed all day; which brings me to...

Who knew that there were so many women who totally subsist as parasites, sucking the very lifeblood of their families? Episode after episode we meet women who sleep until 3:00 p.m., screaming at their husbands to bring them breakfast (or wine!) in bed. Or there are the others who shop, bar hop, or spend all of their time getting manicures, living as strangers to their husbands and children.

Where on earth is June Cleaver when you need her???

And where do they find all of these dysfunctional families???

And is mine one of them?

I begin to think that I've watched too much reality tv when I go out to get the morning paper in my nightgown and wonder if someone is filming me for the "secret footage" to be shown in front of my friends, leaving me mortified and begging for help to get over my fashion flubs. Or when I wonder what the narrator would say about my penchant for never cooking the same meal twice, leaving the bathrooms messy, or letting the girls sneak the cat into the house.

In my heart I know I would be better off reading a good book. But, oh, the mindlessness of it all.... It's truly cotton candy for the brain.

And, I've always loved cotton candy.