Relationships, Trust, Love and Whatever

You know I believe that relationships are forever. I really do. But not all relationships, mind you.

Warning. I'm a little raw these days.

Last week my dad had to have brain surgery. You would need to know more history than I can put in a blog to know what that means....really means. My sister dropped everything to go up and sit in a room full of strangers, by any other name called steps (siblings, mother, etc.). I didn't. I'd taken that ride before and I said no thanks this time. It's one of those round and round rides that make you dizzy and nauseous and you just wish the ride would quit and it keeps going on and on and when you think it's stopping, it just lets someone else off and starts up again. My sister is mad that I chose differently than she and I'm left asking, "Who wrote the rules on these relationships things?" Was it an open vote? If so, how did I miss it? I'm not bitter, just confused.

I did go up to see my father today. Huge hospital with amazing architecture and windows and wide halls that criss cross and leave you having to choose between elevators A, B, and C. Lovely, really. That is until you get to the ward with four beds in it. It was cramped and crowded and ugly. For the first time I thought about the mix that hospitals are: hope, despair, busy, languid, living, dying. Weird seeing him lying in bed, tearing up over memories of me as a child, remarking that I look more and more like his mother. Never mind that he doesn't know one challenge that's facing me today, one joy that makes me smile. However, he'll be fine and out in a few days. I may hear from him again next birthday.

But it got me to thinking. One of the issues (there's a catchword for you) in my life is that I have had the opportunity/challenge of having significant people in my life who don't get that trust = relationship. Or that's how I see it. Isn't that how it is? Shouldn't that be the number one rule? If we're talking about rules, wasn't this one voted on and approved unanimously??? It seems obvious. I mean, can you really love someone you don't trust? Can you want to be with someone that you don't trust? And I mean, especially forever? Will it be Heaven if you look into the eyes of the person next to you (be it parent, child, spouse, or friend) and you can't believe what they are telling you? I think not.

And would it be Heaven if you couldn't look into the eyes of the person next to you and tell them the truth? I mean the honest, bald, sometimes ugly, often beautiful truth?

And about this trust thing....isn't it as much about actions as words. If someone says one thing and does another, what are you gonna believe? I mean, really, what should you believe? Words really are only as powerful as the actions behind them, aren't they? Isn't it only a fool who believes just words? I mean words are cotton candy, clouds, and fog. At least that's what they are without actions, aren't they? They are shot out to hang, to float without substance, in the air until an action gives them life. Didn't even Reagan say, "Trust and verify?"

Which brings me to Love. Isn't love trust and trust love? Can you have love (romantic, parental, friendship) if you can't believe that love is more than words? Isn't love actions? Okay, now I'm circling here. Love=Actions=Trust=Relationship=Forever If any of those are missing, the whole castle in the air dissolves.

But if the actions back up the words....well, then you have power!

And lest you think this is only a downer blog, a major purge of ugliness, you should know that I have had relationships that were built on trust...long term ones. I would trust my kids with my life. And you know what? I think they know they could trust me with theirs. And then there's one sister that always comes through. She's better at it than I am. One out of 4 siblings...that ain't bad. (And that's not even really fair, because I stink as a sister. And I'm not so great shakes as a daughter, either.) Then there are friends that have staying power and have earned the titles of honorary brothers and sisters. I'm thankful for these people. They add color and light and peace to my life. They are precious gifts.

And there's the ultimate One in whom I trust. The Foundation. He who never says one thing and does another. And I know. I've tested Him. He passed, and more than once.

So crazy as it is...I have hope in relationships. I have hope that relationships based on love and trust can last into eternity and beyond! :)